I am sure most of you out there have sweet little lambs who respond instantly to your softest inflection, and so you won’t be able to relate to finding yourself exhausted at the end of the day with your toddler, wondering how someone who cannot even form sentences could effectively accomplish a coup d’etat, wrestling control from my college educated, doctrinally correct, upright citizen of a self.  I am probably the only one, but just in case anyone else out there can relate…this one’s for you.

You might remember the last two pieces of my mommy mantra were:  I am not afraid of you, and I am in charge.  That did not get formed in a vacuum, my friends.  The thing that is so funny to me is that OJ and I thought that our oldest, Ariel, had a strong will.  Little did we know that Judah David would come along and make it seem like parenting her had been equivalent to feeding a goldfish.  Our little lion cub, Judah, came out and ROARED.  We weren’t totally taken by surprise.  I still remember the prayer time before he was born where we asked for his original design.   Here are a few things we heard:

1. Forceful leader of leaders

2. Drawn to power so keep his way pure.

3. Extremely driven to achieve.

4. Man of authority with a hero’s heart, hatred of injustice.

5. Prankster

So, we were in love with him from the get-go.  Which is good, because we had no idea what we were in for.   Judah began to make his force known from a very early age.  So began our journey to learn how to train our son to bring his force into submission.

¹ Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. ² Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves.  Rom. 13:1-2

I read an article today about the vacuum of authority in the devastated nation of Haiti.  It was filled with fear at the possibilities of what might arise to fill it.  It struck me that even secular journalists recognize this, that where the governing authorities cannot or do not take their role, something illegitimate will rise up to fill the void.  This is human nature.  It clamors for control.  The same is true in the home.  Our little ones, in their sinful natures, will clamor for control.  They will desire to be in charge, and for their wills to rule.  Granted, not all to the same degree, some are stronger than others.  But no one doesn’t have a will.

But authority is established by God.  He does not hate authority, consider it mean and bad, or apologize for it.  Rebellion and self-rule always bring death.  He tells us to be saved from this by confessing He is Lord, i.e. receiving His rulership and the authority of His voice in our lives.  His leadership in our lives actually sets us free from our slavery to sin and the ruler of this world (Eph. 2:1-2).

In regards to the home He says this.  It’s very simple:  Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Eph. 6:1  I like to refer to this seemingly simple revelation as: PEACE, THE NEW NORMAL.  We say to the kids all the time, “When we have obedient hearts, we have happy hearts.”  It’s true.  It’s Biblical.  It’s what God has ordained.  Our children, as long as they are in control, are in bondage to the dictates of their will (you’ve learned about the horrors of this from Proverbs), and are implacable, unthankful, and unhappy.  And mom and dad are exhausted and tense, and the home is burdensome.  This is not from God, but I have found that the deceptions the world lives in have crept so far into the church, that Christian parents think that this is normal life.  It is not.  Normal life in Christ is peaceful, obedient children.

I don’t say the above from a place of naivete, or thinking that this happens with a snap of the fingers.  Nothing about parenting Judah has been easy.  Maybe some folks don’t struggle too much to achieve this in their homes.  God bless them!  I have noticed that they often come from lines of many generations of faithful believers, and are themselves living set apart, holy lives.  They give the rest of us hope of what we can hand to our kids!  But for those of us who have to battle, FAITH is the first tool I want to urge parents to take hold of.

We must start with a simple, adamant belief that every word of scripture is true.  I know, we think we already do that.  But do we?  Do we BELIEVE that our children should obey us…that this is right? Mommies in particular are barraged all day with so much insecurity, guilt and failure, the truth is that often time we feel about as shaky as a reed out there in the wind of our children’s wills, until we finally well up in so much frustration that we exert our authority if a fit of rage.  Which, of course, heaps on a double helping of guilt and failure.  We try and try to stop getting angry, but are missing the root problem.

Have we really BELIEVED the Lord, who commands that it is RIGHT for our children to obey us.  We think we are supposed to be such saints and angels that as little Johnny screams at us that he doesn’t want to wear the third pair of pants either, he wants to wear his dino pj bottoms, that we lovingly keep our patient, loving expression and look for his pj bottoms.  Or maybe Johnny doesn’t scream, maybe he cries and cries because he’s so sad.  Or maybe he hides.  Whatever flavor his disobedience is, Momma, you might not be struggling with anger because you’re a freak.  It might be that you have not really BELIEVED that it is RIGHT for little Johnny to obey you the first time, with joy.  There are lies we can live in that cause our children live in bondage to their wills (and so will we):

Lie 1:  Authority is bad, and good people don’t need it.

Lie 2:  I am not a good enough person or parent to walk in my authority.  I have disqualified myself, or need to earn that right.

Lie 3:  Authority = control and domination.  It crushes those underneath it.

This is why faith is the first tool.  We must BELIEVE the Word and act on it.  What does the Word say?

1.  See Rom. 13:1,2 above.

2.  You have been appointed by God.  You can never earn your authority as a parent.  It does not come from you or anything you do.  It comes from God.  Your children don’t obey you because you’re good enough, but because “this is right.”  And it will deliver their souls from rebellion (which is death).

3. Control and domination = control and domination.  Authority is NOT control and domination.  True authority is strong like an oak of righteousness, providing security, strength, and structure for those it nourishes and protects.

Do I believe that God has appointed me as the authority in my child’s life?  If yes, then I can trust that the power of God will back me up as I bring our children into obedience.  We are not on our own, using the tools of our flesh.  This is where the Mommy mantra “I’m not afraid of you” came from.  When Judah made his force known, it shook me.  It was so much easier to bend to his will than to fight to retain my authority.  I had to face the scriptures, place my trust in God, and plant my feet in His word.  I got down close to my little buddy’s face, matched his intensity eyeball to eyeball, and using simple words without anger communicated this, “God put me in charge, not you.  I don’t know how long it will take for me to win this battle, but I will win it.  I have time for this.  I am not afraid of you.”  And then I stayed there, until he came into obedience.  I don’t mean down there on the floor, I mean in that stance of commitment:  taking the time to stay home, dedicate my time to consistent discipline, and be firm in my love and authority, until he got it.  But guess what?  Once it’s done, you move into maintenance mode!  Once they’re brought into obedience, you begin to harvest that “…peaceable fruit of righteousness.”  Life gets fun again!

Hebrews 12:11
Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

But the whole thing starts with Mom and Dad BELIEVING the Word of God and sending out the bulletin to the troops.  Announcement!!!  THIS is our new NORMAL:  You guys are going to obey cheerfully, the first time.  Mom and Dad live HEARING the Word of the Lord and OBEYING it, and you guys live HEARING our words, and obeying them!  WELCOME to our peaceful new home!   :)  Then…Heb. 12:11.  Watch God work when you believe His Word!

Tomorrow:  a little more faith, a lot more hope

BIG THANKS to my Dad, who taught me to believe the Word, every time, all the time.  We thank God for you!