So, really.  The significance of children?  Am I the first one to think of this?  How many politicians’ campaigns are practically run on cliched phrases about what we’re leaving to our children, how we’re educating our children, peace for our children, etc.?

How many women could say along with me, “I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into, but then I looked into my baby’s eyes for the first time…and my whole world was upside down…”  Millions and billions.  How many books, movies, songs, conferences about the worth of children?

How about Wess Stafford’s incredible book, Too Small to Ignore?  Note:  DO read that book if your parents were in ministry/missions, you are in ministry/missions and have kids, or you will ever lead people who are in ministry/missions and have children.  DO NOT read that book if you are wearing non-waterproof mascara.

The point is, yes, motherhood is awesome and wonderful and incredibly significant, because children are all these things.  I already alluded (briefly) to what happens if you try to restore the significance of women without children.  But what happens if you try to restore the significance of children without restoring the significance of women?  I think this actually happens a lot, especially in Christian circles.

Macro:  You get movements, activist women, and dogmatics.  La Leche League (breastfeeding ONLY…for years!), Attachment parenting ONLY, strange NO family planning doctrine, Home-school ONLY dogmatism, Natural Birth ONLY activists, parenting method/book X ONLY proponents…the legal list can go on and on.  These movements create legals lists which dictate ad nauseum what children require, but have only cost and striving to speak to women.  Women who’ve rejected the selfish spirit of the modern age are drawn in, but their hearts are left brittle.  These kind of movements, even if they’re as small as a couple families at the church, are marked by control, and the strongest voices are usually the women, not the men.  (Not always.)  These die-hard mamas may know something about the significance of children, but they often miss God’s heart for women.

Micro: Well, there’s a laundry list here.  But ultimately, you get burnt.  Burnt mamas, burnt marriages, and lopsided children.  You get women who sign up again and again to give it all for their kids, but from day to day are tired, aching, and needing another shot of adrenaline (mother-vision) in order to give their guts.  In other words, it’s not fun.  And it’s supposed to (in between the doggone difficult moments) REALLY, REALLY FUN.  Happy mamas, satiated husbands, and joyful subjects in the realm (i.e. the kids).  You know, abundant life.  (John 10:10)  The kind Jesus gives.

Abundant life produces life.  Good ideas in parenting, however well-meaning, cannot produce significant, life-filled children from exhausted, insignificant mothers.

So…we cannot push children out from under the tablecloth, and leave the mamas under there.  This probably seems like very ethereal talk.  Let’s look to our practical list to understand the dynamic.  The second basic way that significance is communicated from mother to child is as follows:

2. Joy-filled Empowerment “You can…!”  Raising up daughters into mama’s shoes, sons into daddy’s shoes.

The attitude is:  ”You ARE like me, you WILL BE like me, isn’t it so awesome that you are just like me?!?”  I hope you can hear the joy.  Do you see why mom has to walk in incredible significance in order to pass on her identity in the home from day to day?  What if mom sees herself as merely the grocery-buying, buns-wiping chauffeur?  What if she describes her role as referee/maid/cook?  What if mom hates her job?  What kind of identity can she give her kids?

HOWEVER, if mom walks in truth…if mom sees herself FIRST as salt of the earth, light of the world, disciple of Jesus Christ, indwelt temple of the Holy Spirit, chosen daughter of the King, discipler, teacher of the eternal WORD OF GOD, royal priest, holy and set apart by God, trainer, cherished Bride (of Christ and of her husband), eternal Beauty (according to 1 Peter), QUEEN ESTHER IN HER DOMAIN…well, then.  Now, we’re talking.

I have seen women who want to talk the above talk, but don’t believe for it in her home.  They are looking for significance elsewhere.  And THAT is the gong I want to strike.  YOU CAN’T HAVE ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER!!!  The lie so many are believing is that because it’s not manifesting in the home, it’s “out there” somewhere.  (’It’ being significance.)  No, ladies, the tablecloth is not over your home, it’s over your heart.  Significance has to be restored through Jesus Christ, and then it has to flow like Living Water to your children.

• Always teaching, because development is the goal, not behavior. A significant mommy is a teacher/trainer.  Achieving standards of behavior is just an agenda.  Reproducing yourself requires understanding being passed on.  (E.G.  Not:  ”Hey, 8 year old!  Be quiet in church.”  But:  ”Here’s my heart when the Word of God is being spoken:  I’m hungry for it like starving person.  I’m thirsty for it like a marathon runner.  I’m desperate to honor God with my WHOLE body.”)
• Do they understand why?  This is my job. The transfer described above (which, by the way, is not one that would take place IN church, obviously, thus the need for unhurried time mentioned in #1) creates a WHY? in the child’s heart that is the place from which you want to form their behavior.  ”Why do like the Bible so much?  Why do you sing so loud and lift your hands?  Why do you pray like you’re angry sometimes?”  Answering is Mama’s job.  WAY more interesting than “Read your Bible.  Be respectful during worship!  Renounce sin and the enemy.”
• Passing on skills through repeated practice. Again, this requires laying down rights.  “To do this, you will have to be next to me and do what I do not nearly as well as I do it.  And I will encourage you in that, rather than taking over.”  This is not 24/7…it wouldn’t work!  Ha!  I’m picturing a three hour nightly dinner prep with a 3 yr. old daughter.  No, but it’s a heart attitude that creates an environment of training, that looks for opportunities to raise them up.  I’ve found these come much earlier than some people say, and much later than others.  It depends on the child, their interests, and what needs to be developed in them.  Judah LOVES to help me with the laundry and gather the upstairs trash.  Having simple responsibilities has literally brought him incredible LIFE.  I have never had Ariel regularly help me with laundry.  But she’s begging to change baby’s diaper when he comes. God leads in what the individual child needs.
• “I believe in who you are.”  Child is not defined or limited by their mistakes, struggles, or strongholds. A significant mama knows about process, because she has been in one with the Lord.  Every bit of strength, wisdom and righteousness in her life has come through His cross and its power in her life, so perfectionism has no place.  She knows that some character traits take years to develop and she failed 400 x’s before she succeeded.  She understands that this is the way with humans.  There are no “good children.”  There are only carefully developed, redeemed ones.  Bad days are bad, and sometimes they’re very bad.  But she is stubbornly convinced about who her child is because she is stubbornly convinced that the Lord is that committed to her, and so He will help her get them there (through careful application of His Word).
• Faith:  ”We will overcome, because you are precious and purposeful.” This is similar to the above, but holds a VERY important word: Purpose.  Insignificance is found in the mama who has no grasp of the great PURPOSE her days hold, the eternal weight behind what she does in her home, how much is at stake with her own self and her children.  If it matters whether or not her sons are self-controlled, if a nation’s salvation depends on it, or if her daughter’s kindness will heal a community, or if the glory of God is displayed when her husband still delights in her 35 years into their marriage and by that point it has impacted 5,000 young couples who’d never seen such a thing…well, then.  Now, you’re talking.