Everybody knows the nightmare where you try to scream, but you can’t.  It’s one of the worst feelings ever.  The theme is the sound of insignificance…voicelessness.

When it comes to communicating your heart, you know that you are under the tablecloth to someone else when they don’t hear you, even though you are talking.  You know that you are under the tablecloth to yourself when you don’t know what you’d say.  You know that you’ve been under there for a long time when you can’t remember when you stopped trying.  This is something that so often happens in childhood, in the home, that I don’t want to address it without talking a little bit about forgiveness first.

In the first post, I mentioned how God had created this beautiful chain of life through women, through the womb, that would link every human being ever born directly back to Him.  Life from LIFE, created by Him, in His image, valuable and significant beyond imagination.  But then I spoke of how Satan had twisted that very bond to communicate chains of INsignificance from generation to generation.

A short time ago, I was leading a group of women through these five ways to communicate significance to from mother to child.  I asked for a show of hands from any woman whose recollections of her own mother were marked by these five things.  One out of thirteen raised her hand.  To even get that data, I had to make them read the list with a pen in hand, marking one by one what they remembered from their relationship with mom.  I had to make them have pens, because all they could think about reading the list was how far they fell short with their own children.  The guilt came immediately and with ease.  The understanding had to be strained for.

My intention was not to make them mad at their moms.  The point was, like I said in the last post, “You can’t get water from a rock.”  You can’t give away what you’ve not received.  You just try and fail.   To break the chain of insignificance from one generation to the next, you have to address where it holds you.  This is really hard for women.  They don’t want to deal with what’s hurting down in their hearts, especially if it has to do with mom.  ”Don’t you talk about my mama…”  :)  Nine times out of ten, they’d rather just read a list of standards and feel like a failure.

But Jesus made a way, my friends.  These things can be faced.   Think of an area where your mom never ministered to your heart or gave you what you needed on a spiritual level and let’s call that “making pies”.   When I realize that I don’t know how to make pies because my mom never made pies and so she never taught me to make pies (this is a silly analogy for the deeper things of the heart, like not being heard, or fear based control in the home), I can just…get this… you will be changed forever… FORGIVE, yes, FORGIVE mom for never making pies.  I don’t have to rage at her, judge her, criticize her, or reject her (if you look back at your past relationship with her, you’ll often find you have already done these things, maybe in your teens, but just hadn’t identified accurately why).  I don’t dishonor all the AWESOME cakes and doughnuts she DID make.  I just need to be totally honest about the pies, and what it has meant to me that she didn’t ever make pies and what it cost me at the heart level.  I turn to Jesus and say, “Lord, YOU are the true pie-maker.  You have all the pies I need.  I release mom’s pie-making debt, and I ask you to make me a pie-maker like you.  Teach me what mom couldn’t.  I choose to make pies for my children, trusting You to provide everything I need.”

I just made that so silly, but hopefully you’re catching my drift.  In real life, it won’t play out silly.  What you are lacking that your heart cries out for is real and it is the real root of your anger, your striving, your fear of failure, and your anxiety.   It does need to be ministered to, you do need to FORGIVE, and you do need to be changed so that you do not pass insignificance down to your children.

One of the truly dumbest movies I’ve seen in a long time had one GREAT scene in it.  The heroine of the movie, whose mother had abandoned her as a child, was befriended by her suitor’s grandmother.  The girl was upset about something, when the grandmother, while conversing with her, picked up a brush and started brushing out her long hair.  The girl began to cry.  In the middle of the world’s dumbest plot-line, so did I.  It was downright powerful.  Like an arrow hitting a target, the grandma bypassed all the layers of the girl’s confusion with precision.  Without words, she said, “This is what is really hurting.  Nobody has taken care of you.”

My pie story won’t move your heart, but the Holy Spirit will, like the grandma did with that girl, in your own hair-brushing moment…gently exposing the place where you needed mom so badly, but for whatever reason she wasn’t there.  And then, I hope you remember the pies, forgive her, and turn to Jesus, with whom we are never voiceless.  If you release mom’s debt and turn it over to Jesus, you break that chain, and reconnect with Him, the Source of Living Water.  You’ll find it flows not only to your children, but back to mom, restoring and reconnecting you to her, as well.

Side note:  I hope the practicality and simplicity of forgiveness strikes every mama who reads this. As moms, we need the Lord’s forgiveness (as we mess up with our kids) so many times a day, that if we’re disconnected from its availability and power, we’ll live in a suffocating swamp of failure.  Living Water is very far from the woman who cannot forgive (even if it be because of denial of the wound) or receive forgiveness because she will not easily run to the Lord to get His forgiveness.

So, armed with the incredible tool of forgiveness, let’s look at the 4th way a mother practically communicates significance to her child, and fight insignificance’s favorite tool of voicelessness…

4.  Listening so as to understand.

• “You do not understand your heart, but I will attend to it.” I once witnessed a moment I’ll never forget between a mom and her toddler in a clothing/variety store.  The toddler was strapped into the cart’s seat, and mom, who was dressed to the nines, was pushing the cart and searching the racks.  The baby was making noises and reaching out to grab everything within reach.  A gorgeous, developmentally healthy child.  Mom responded to baby by hissing, “Shut up!  Don’t touch that, you brat!” and swatting his hands away from everything.  In my mind’s eye, I pictured her in five years, yelling at him for being completely passive, and then in fifteen years, crying in a police station, bewildered as to why her rage-filled son was criminal.  The price that child would pay because his mom didn’t care to understand his heart and his needs would be unquantifiable.  Soon they would come into conflict as he would begin to try to communicate his needs (probably in the form of anger), but the tragedy of his tender age highlighted his total vulnerability…he had no ability to understand, defend or explain himself.  This is an extreme example, but it highlights two things.  A)  Children aren’t able to comprehend their own hearts or needs.  B)  Nor are they able to communicate them.  This is mom’s role, and over the years she’ll develop their ability to do both for themselves.  Ways that mom can’t or doesn’t do this have consequences.  The significant mom is watching over the child’s heart, development, challenges, and needs to shape his world on his behalf, rather than react from moment to moment according to how he is fitting with her agenda.  She is setting him up to win, even in moments of discipline.  (E.G. Several times, Ariel has acted out on her brothers in anger, being really mean.  In talking about it, she cries out something like, “There’s just too much boys!!!”  It would be easy to just come down on her awful behavior and miss that she was really needing something, that her femininity was being unwittingly trampled by yet another army/airplane/wrestling game, that she is quite gentle and they are…not.  She couldn’t really understand why she was so angry, but I needed to, and to facilitate her limits, as well as addressing her behavior.)
• “My agenda does not trump your needs, my ultimate agenda IS your needs.” Part of understanding your child’s heart and meeting their needs is understanding that the child is a sinner.  That they were born that way and the need for discipline in their lives should NOT surprise you.  If mom is surprised when baby’s will begins to manifest selfishness as a toddler, and then that he tries out lying, that he whines constantly for his way (until it’s firmly addressed), that he steals from his brother, etc…she’s in for a rough time.  :)  If she perceives meeting his needs as only the “legitimate ones,” (the physical, the good-natured, the amicable) and doesn’t realize that she will encounter the ugliness of human nature in her child, she will not be prepared to respond correctly.  Many mothers respond to their child’s sinfulness with withholding, judgment, and rejection hoping that the withholding of love and affection will “really show him” how bad he’s being and he’ll change.  But if a  mom knows the truth and perceives that her child’s need for discipline is as normal as the child’s need for food (the biblical perspective), a) she understands her child’s heart (it is sincere, beautiful, and deeply marred by sinful self, especially rebellion) and b) she considers that discipline to be her job.  Being angry and rejecting the child have no place.  The child does not lose security or significance in the process of being parented and disciplined out of his sin. Mom is not personally wounded by child’s (disciplinary) needs, complaining about them, or exasperated.  She’s expecting them.
• “You will not have to fight to be understood.” How many marriage tensions could be boiled down to this, “I’m not so much angry (or crying) because you don’t understand me, as because I know that you would and could understand me, if you only wanted to understand more than you want to … (to defend yourself, to get this over with, to be right, etc.)”  Insignificance says, “What is there to understand?  What’s the big deal?”  It forces people to manipulate and strain for another’s attention through negative means, or even worse, just to give up.  Imagine getting a phone call from the president on a bad connection.  The effort one would put in to strain to hear what he had to say in a personal call would be extraordinary.  If you believe someone is significant, you try to hear what they are really saying, even if its difficult to perceive.  When we consider someone significant, we must know what it is they are communicating.  On the other hand, when it’s a sales call from the neighborhood newspaper, we hang up on them.  It’s that simple.  This is often a major area of forgiveness to work through from mother to child (and in marriage).  Lack of caring to listen what the other is saying is that viral sort of sin of omission that is everywhere.
• Again, this requires time. Busyness is the ultimate enemy of all these simple forms of establishing significance.  It can be why moms who would sweat, bleed, and give both kidneys for their kids still manage to build major tension with their children lasting into adulthood, pass on generations of insignificance, and find that the fruit of their parenting does not at all measure up to their intentions, or the effort they feel they made.  Days will pass quick as a blink if we don’t stop and make sure our mommy life is submitted to the Lord.  There must be a breaking ties with the standards of the world, and seeking the Lord for what he says the lifestyle, schedule, and agenda must be.  He understands children’s hearts and knows exactly what they need.  (for example.  A family considers it normal to visit all the relatives and do sports camps all summer, but if they would listen, the Lord says that they need to recoup from the school year and focus on family unity, especially for the sake of the youngest, who is dealing with insecurity and misses the increasingly busy teenage siblings.)

So, really.  The significance of children?  Am I the first one to think of this?  How many politicians’ campaigns are practically run on cliched phrases about what we’re leaving to our children, how we’re educating our children, peace for our children, etc.?

How many women could say along with me, “I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into, but then I looked into my baby’s eyes for the first time…and my whole world was upside down…”  Millions and billions.  How many books, movies, songs, conferences about the worth of children?

How about Wess Stafford’s incredible book, Too Small to Ignore?  Note:  DO read that book if your parents were in ministry/missions, you are in ministry/missions and have kids, or you will ever lead people who are in ministry/missions and have children.  DO NOT read that book if you are wearing non-waterproof mascara.

The point is, yes, motherhood is awesome and wonderful and incredibly significant, because children are all these things.  I already alluded (briefly) to what happens if you try to restore the significance of women without children.  But what happens if you try to restore the significance of children without restoring the significance of women?  I think this actually happens a lot, especially in Christian circles.

Macro:  You get movements, activist women, and dogmatics.  La Leche League (breastfeeding ONLY…for years!), Attachment parenting ONLY, strange NO family planning doctrine, Home-school ONLY dogmatism, Natural Birth ONLY activists, parenting method/book X ONLY proponents…the legal list can go on and on.  These movements create legals lists which dictate ad nauseum what children require, but have only cost and striving to speak to women.  Women who’ve rejected the selfish spirit of the modern age are drawn in, but their hearts are left brittle.  These kind of movements, even if they’re as small as a couple families at the church, are marked by control, and the strongest voices are usually the women, not the men.  (Not always.)  These die-hard mamas may know something about the significance of children, but they often miss God’s heart for women.

Micro: Well, there’s a laundry list here.  But ultimately, you get burnt.  Burnt mamas, burnt marriages, and lopsided children.  You get women who sign up again and again to give it all for their kids, but from day to day are tired, aching, and needing another shot of adrenaline (mother-vision) in order to give their guts.  In other words, it’s not fun.  And it’s supposed to (in between the doggone difficult moments) REALLY, REALLY FUN.  Happy mamas, satiated husbands, and joyful subjects in the realm (i.e. the kids).  You know, abundant life.  (John 10:10)  The kind Jesus gives.

Abundant life produces life.  Good ideas in parenting, however well-meaning, cannot produce significant, life-filled children from exhausted, insignificant mothers.

So…we cannot push children out from under the tablecloth, and leave the mamas under there.  This probably seems like very ethereal talk.  Let’s look to our practical list to understand the dynamic.  The second basic way that significance is communicated from mother to child is as follows:

2. Joy-filled Empowerment “You can…!”  Raising up daughters into mama’s shoes, sons into daddy’s shoes.

The attitude is:  ”You ARE like me, you WILL BE like me, isn’t it so awesome that you are just like me?!?”  I hope you can hear the joy.  Do you see why mom has to walk in incredible significance in order to pass on her identity in the home from day to day?  What if mom sees herself as merely the grocery-buying, buns-wiping chauffeur?  What if she describes her role as referee/maid/cook?  What if mom hates her job?  What kind of identity can she give her kids?

HOWEVER, if mom walks in truth…if mom sees herself FIRST as salt of the earth, light of the world, disciple of Jesus Christ, indwelt temple of the Holy Spirit, chosen daughter of the King, discipler, teacher of the eternal WORD OF GOD, royal priest, holy and set apart by God, trainer, cherished Bride (of Christ and of her husband), eternal Beauty (according to 1 Peter), QUEEN ESTHER IN HER DOMAIN…well, then.  Now, we’re talking.

I have seen women who want to talk the above talk, but don’t believe for it in her home.  They are looking for significance elsewhere.  And THAT is the gong I want to strike.  YOU CAN’T HAVE ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER!!!  The lie so many are believing is that because it’s not manifesting in the home, it’s “out there” somewhere.  (’It’ being significance.)  No, ladies, the tablecloth is not over your home, it’s over your heart.  Significance has to be restored through Jesus Christ, and then it has to flow like Living Water to your children.

• Always teaching, because development is the goal, not behavior. A significant mommy is a teacher/trainer.  Achieving standards of behavior is just an agenda.  Reproducing yourself requires understanding being passed on.  (E.G.  Not:  ”Hey, 8 year old!  Be quiet in church.”  But:  ”Here’s my heart when the Word of God is being spoken:  I’m hungry for it like starving person.  I’m thirsty for it like a marathon runner.  I’m desperate to honor God with my WHOLE body.”)
• Do they understand why?  This is my job. The transfer described above (which, by the way, is not one that would take place IN church, obviously, thus the need for unhurried time mentioned in #1) creates a WHY? in the child’s heart that is the place from which you want to form their behavior.  ”Why do like the Bible so much?  Why do you sing so loud and lift your hands?  Why do you pray like you’re angry sometimes?”  Answering is Mama’s job.  WAY more interesting than “Read your Bible.  Be respectful during worship!  Renounce sin and the enemy.”
• Passing on skills through repeated practice. Again, this requires laying down rights.  “To do this, you will have to be next to me and do what I do not nearly as well as I do it.  And I will encourage you in that, rather than taking over.”  This is not 24/7…it wouldn’t work!  Ha!  I’m picturing a three hour nightly dinner prep with a 3 yr. old daughter.  No, but it’s a heart attitude that creates an environment of training, that looks for opportunities to raise them up.  I’ve found these come much earlier than some people say, and much later than others.  It depends on the child, their interests, and what needs to be developed in them.  Judah LOVES to help me with the laundry and gather the upstairs trash.  Having simple responsibilities has literally brought him incredible LIFE.  I have never had Ariel regularly help me with laundry.  But she’s begging to change baby’s diaper when he comes. God leads in what the individual child needs.
• “I believe in who you are.”  Child is not defined or limited by their mistakes, struggles, or strongholds. A significant mama knows about process, because she has been in one with the Lord.  Every bit of strength, wisdom and righteousness in her life has come through His cross and its power in her life, so perfectionism has no place.  She knows that some character traits take years to develop and she failed 400 x’s before she succeeded.  She understands that this is the way with humans.  There are no “good children.”  There are only carefully developed, redeemed ones.  Bad days are bad, and sometimes they’re very bad.  But she is stubbornly convinced about who her child is because she is stubbornly convinced that the Lord is that committed to her, and so He will help her get them there (through careful application of His Word).
• Faith:  ”We will overcome, because you are precious and purposeful.” This is similar to the above, but holds a VERY important word: Purpose.  Insignificance is found in the mama who has no grasp of the great PURPOSE her days hold, the eternal weight behind what she does in her home, how much is at stake with her own self and her children.  If it matters whether or not her sons are self-controlled, if a nation’s salvation depends on it, or if her daughter’s kindness will heal a community, or if the glory of God is displayed when her husband still delights in her 35 years into their marriage and by that point it has impacted 5,000 young couples who’d never seen such a thing…well, then.  Now, you’re talking.

We have been exploring restoring significance, importance, and worth to women, and have decided it can’t be done.

Well, not that it can’t be done completely, but that it can’t be done in a vaccuum, divorced from the relationships that matter most to women.  Especially, women’s significance as mothers, carriers and nurturers of life.

In the later decades of the last century our culture (and subsequently much of the church) has tried to right centuries of wrongs, millions of mistreatments, and the utter degradation and abuse of women by freeing them from…the very core of who they are.

There’s so much to say about this, and I have an incredibly personal testimony of transformation, as a woman who desperately wanted to make a significant mark in this world and hated/desperately feared the role of motherhood.  I saw it as the least significant role I could possibly fulfill, a hefty distraction from what would be a truly worthwhile use of my “incredible talents.”  Over time, as my heart was being wooed to discipleship by the Lord Jesus, this attitude neatly conformed to new and more “eternal” goals.  I would do “significant” things for God.  Motherhood would hopefully not get in the way.

When I share it, my testimony can sound a little extreme, for a church girl.  But it’s not.  Friends, it’s no coincidence that my generation, about the same age as Roe v. Wade, has seen astonishing drop in birth rates worldwide, is having fewer babies later and later, is dropping them off at day-care to pursue more worthwhile endeavors, and as mothers are experiencing what often amounts to a daily nightmare of anxiety, isolation, and exhaustion.  Not to mention failure.

AAP, you can give us more booster seats for the couple children we can fit in our crossovers, or someone (Jesus) could actually HELP us by hearing a heart cry.  A heart cry to understand what in the world has happened to us as women in a world gone mad.  A world where the most important, life-altering, costly, exhausting, and miraculous marathon of our entire existence (in which we will produce a generation that replaces us ALL on the planet) is reduced to meeting basic physical needs under higher and higher pressures of fear with less and less time to do so, with almost no mentors, in often almost total isolation, in the face of general indifference of society (except for magazine covers that undress celebrities to expose how quickly they get back in shape) and with a generation of fathers who may have not even taken the time to marry us.

How can we be healed?

It did not heal me to be told I could be anything I wanted to be, and did not have to be a mother.  It did not restore me to tell my husband to split duties with me, fifty-fifty (this cannot be done).  It will not honor me to offer me more day-care choices subsidized by the government.  It will not free me to have the church elevate me into positions so I’m not “just a mom.”  Oh, and Parenting, get a clue.  There is not enough “me-time” in the world to soothe a mommy’s soul, which is even more exhausted and fragile than her sleepless body.  So quit offering that tired, old answer.

There is only one placed to be healed, to have dignity restored, to be returned to honor, to find abundant provision, to hear the WISDOM that finally brings peace.  It is the Father’s House, the HEART of God.  It is discovering how He feels about women, which can’t be done without understanding something of how he feels about children, which will lead to uncovering what a great charge He has commissioned to husbands/fathers.  This discovery is entirely unearthly.  It is LOVE, from start to finish.

There is so much to write on this topic.  I think I will pick it up in the next blog, when I want to talk about turning the tide practically.  Seeing that while God has designed that the generations be like a chain of love, significance, and identity all the way back to Him, satan has has sought to turn the chain into one where worthlessness, insignificance, and confusion get passed down from mother to child, generation to generation.  Hopefully, though my broad, dramatic strokes won’t speak to everyone’s situation, there’ll be something for every woman in it.  :)

As I approach the brink of being mom to a trio of boys (boy #3 will join us the end of April), instead of just a duo, I’ve been pondering what this means.  Especially on Saturday mornings.  On Saturday mornings, Judah has been playing in a little soccer league with a bunch of other preschoolers in a hilarious display of pure boyhood exerted on hapless little soccer balls they call “bobcats.”

“What happens if we touch ‘bob’ with our hands?  OWWWWWWWW!!!!!  That’s right!  He bites us!  We always use our feet!”  You get the picture.

Girls are welcome, too, and cute as pie with their little pink shin-guards and ribboned piggies.  But the boys…well, there are obviously way more of them, and unleashed on the itty-bitty turf fields, the boys are just TOO AWESOME.  I can’t help it.  I LOVE BOYS.

I love that they’re happy, that they can’t sit still, that they want to be in charge, that they cry over ego-bruises, that they yell when they try to whisper, and that they are filled with raw, boundless LIFE.

Back when I was a girl, I used to not like boys.  I don’t mean that I wasn’t attracted to them.  Just that I used to not like that they can’t sit still, used to HATE that they always wanted to be in charge, used to bruise their egos on purpose, used to try to shut them up, and despised their wildLIFE.  :(  I’m so sorry.

But God set me free.  He had to…so I could marry one of the wildest men of them all.  And then raise up three (thus far) MIGHTY MEN:  hard-charging, tender-hearted, free-spirited but self-controlled BOYS.  And considering God keeps giving them to OJ and me, I’ve realized He must be serious about how we do it.  So what’s been brewing in me on Saturday mornings is the beginnings of a manifesto.  A charter for manhood, if you will.  Some of the targets we’ll have in sight as we parent these small giants.  I’m sure we’ll modify it some over the years, but here goes:

The McDowell Mighty MAN-ifesto

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.       Mat. 22:36-38

1. We are like Jesus. Jesus Christ was the manliest man who ever was.  He was stronger, wiser, and more courageous than any king, sage, or hero before or after Him.  No one has led a stronger army, defeated more enemies, rescued more captives, conquered more of the world, sacrificed more painfully or loved more radically than He.

2. We are productive, not passive. In our generation, millions of males will waste their lives on video games and movies.  We were made to bear eternal fruit, and every tree that does not bear fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.  We hate wasted lives.  We will rest well when it’s time, but first we will get to work.

3. We are hardcore. We are willing to be consistently intense.  We exercise our weaknesses as well as our strengths.  If we are smart, that is no excuse to be lazy.  If we are strong, that is no excuse to be a fool.  If we are gifted, that is no reason to be lofty.  We’ll do what we’re good at excellently, and do what we’re poor at better every time.

4. We love women. Women are what we are not and can never be.  They are other, they produce life, and they are sacred to the Lord, and so we carry an awe and reverence for each one, even if she will not carry it for herself.  No woman God assigns to our care will be forced to unduly protect, lead, or provide for her self, her honor, or her purity.

5. We guard children.  Our eyes are open, not shut, to the weak and the vulnerable.  Every time we meet a child we are encountering maximized opportunity to display God as loving Father, strong protector, and kind authority.  Every child is a mission field, and no ground is softer.

6. We are like Dad, and we like it that way. We were wired from birth to adore and emulate Dad.  Mommy knows that her boys will at some level hate themselves unless they honor Dad.  Dad is King in the home, and it is our privilege to honor him as the Mightiest Man of them all.

7.  We value time above money. Money comes and goes, but time just goes.  Our days in this life are very short, and every single one counts.   We will not fool ourselves into thinking we have used our time well because of how much money we’ve produced.  Jesus Christ came to save men’s souls.  We’re bold to use what is temporal blithely to buy what is eternal.

8. We have courageous hearts. Cowardly men go numb.  We “guard our hearts,” choosing to feel as tenderly as God does.  We will allow our hearts to hate evil, weep over injustice, cry out for mercy, delight in God, rejoice in triumph, and love passionately.

9.  We are always seeking wisdom. The fool hates correction, and the fool is doomed to destruction.  We  search for wisdom like silver and gold.  We’ll hunt high and low for good instruction and wise counsel.  However, we know how rare wisdom is, so while we live desperate for counsel, we’ll not take it from an unfruitful man or woman, no matter what their credentials may be.  We see through titles, positions, and professors, searching for the voices of those who fear the Lord.

10.  We were made to lead in our generation. To be great leaders, we can have no part with rebellion.  We’ll obey our parents to learn to obey the Lord.  We will honor our delegated authorities.  We know that if we agree to the tension of meeting pressure from authorities above us (either godly or ungodly) with a submitted, flexible spirit, while drawing our thoughts from immovable roots that go deep into the word of God, then we will find ourselves in God’s school of training for Great Men.

11.  We will laugh really, really hard just about every day. We’ll be clear about what’s serious, but anything else is fair game in the great contest to make our sister cry from laughing and our brother pee his pants.

12. We will remember that we were raised in a home with two parents who loved us and each other with all their hearts, prayed for us incessantly, and devoted themselves to discipling us in the fear of the Lord.  We will remember that in our generation, very few souls will have ever experienced that kind of love, security, and truth.  Because of this, we will not cease to preach the gospel, which opens the door of God’s family home to every orphaned soul in this entire world.  We will owe each person we meet a debt of love, give out constant grace, and remember that to whom much is given, much will be required.

A.B. Simpson was the founder of The Christian Missionary and Alliance Church. He was a Spirit-filled man of God who believed in all of the Bible and the full Gospel in the late 19th Century. Along with D.L. Moody and A.T. Pierson, he was instrumental in a powerful missions movement of that time. His book The Fourfold Gospel was instrumental in reigniting a passion for the lost and for true discipleship in my life. I am posting his most famous writing which was originally a tract or pamphlet for Christians simply called “Himself”. The language is a little archaic but if you can get past that, you will be greatly moved by the incredible truth of what he is saying here.

I wish to speak to you about Jesus, and Jesus only. I often hear people say, “I wish I could get hold of Divine Healing, but I cannot.” Sometimes they say, “I have got it.” If I ask them, “What have you got?” the answer is sometimes, “I have got the blessing”, sometimes it is, “I have got the theory”; sometimes it is, “I have got the healing”; sometimes, “I have got the sanctification.” But I thank God we have been taught that it is not the blessing, it is not the healing, it is not the sanctification, it is not the thing, it is not the it that you want, but it is something better. It is “the Christ”; it is Himself. How often that comes out in His Word - “Himself took our infirmities and bare our sicknesses”, Himself “bare our sins in his own body on the tree”! It is the person of Jesus Christ we want. Plenty of people get the idea and do not get anything out of it. They get it into their head, and it into their conscience, and it into their will; but somehow they do not get Him into their life and spirit, because they have only that which is the outward expression and symbol of the spiritual reality. I once saw a picture of the Constitution of the United States, very skillfully engraved in copper plate, so that when you looked at it closely it was nothing more than a piece of writing, but when you looked at it at a distance, it was the face of George Washington. The face shone out in the shading of the letters at a little distance, and I saw the person, not the words, nor the ideas; and I thought, “‘That is the way to look at the Scriptures and understand the thoughts of God, to see in them the face of love, shining through and through; not ideas, nor doctrines, but Jesus Himself as the Life and Source and sustaining Presence of all our life.”

I prayed a long time to get sanctified, and sometimes I thought I had it. On one occasion I felt something, and I held on with a desperate grip for fear I should lose it, and kept awake the whole night fearing it would go, and, of course, it went with the next sensation and the next mood. Of course, I lost it because I did not hold on to Him. I had been taking a little water from the reservoir, when I might have all the time received from Him fullness through the open channels. I went to meetings and heard people speak of joy. I even thought I had the joy, but I did not keep it because I had not Himself as my joy. At last He said to me - Oh so tenderly - “My child, just take Me, and let Me be in you the constant supply of all this, Myself.” And when at last I got my eyes off my sanctification, and my experience of it, and just placed them on the Christ in me, I found, instead of an experience, the Christ larger than the moment’s need, the Christ that had all that I should ever need who was given to me at once, and for ever! And when I thus saw Him, it was such rest; it was all right, and right for ever. For I had not only what I could hold that little hour, but also in Him, all that I should need the next and the next and so on, until sometimes I get a glimpse of what it will be a million years afterwards, when we shall “shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of our Father” (Matt. 13: 43), and have “all the fullness of God.”

And so I thought the healing would be an it too, that the Lord would take me like the old run-down clock, wind me up, and set me going like a machine. It is not thus at all. I found it was Himself coming in instead and giving me what I needed at the moment. I wanted to have a great stock, so that I could feel rich; a great store laid up for many years, so that I would not be dependent upon Him the next day; but He never gave me such a store. I never had more holiness or healing at one time than I needed for that hour. He said: “My child, you must come to Me for the next breath because I love you so dearly I want you to come all the time. If I gave you a great supply, you would do without Me and would not come to Me so often; now you have to come to Me every second, and lie on My breast every moment.” He gave me a great fortune, placed thousands and millions at credit, but He gave a cheque-book with this one condition, “You never can draw more than you need at the time.” Every time a cheque was wanted, however, there was the name of Jesus upon it, and so it brought more glory to Him, kept His name before the heavenly world and God was glorified in His Son.

I had to learn to take from Him my spiritual life every second, to breathe Himself in as I breathed, and breathe myself out. So, moment by moment for the spirit, and moment by moment for the body, we must receive. You say, “Is not that a terrible bondage, to be always on the strain ?” What, on the strain with one you love, your dearest Friend ? Oh, no! It comes so naturally, so spontaneously, so like a fountain, without consciousness, without effort, for true life is always easy, and overflowing.

And now, thank God, I have Him, not only what I have room for, but that which I have not room for, but for which I shall have room, moment by moment, as I go on into the eternity before me. I am like the little bottle in the sea, as full as it will hold. The bottle is in the sea, and the sea is in the bottle; so I am in Christ, and Christ is in me. But, besides that bottleful in the sea, there is a whole ocean beyond; the difference is, that the bottle has to be filled over again, every day, evermore.

Now the question for each of us is not “What think you of Bethshan, and what think you of divine healing?” but “What think you of Christ?” There came a time when there was a little thing between me and Christ. I express it by a little conversation with a friend who said, “You were healed by faith.” “Oh, no,” I said, “I was healed by Christ.” What is the difference? There is a great difference. There came a time when even faith seemed to come between me and Jesus. I thought I should have to work up the faith, so I labored to get the faith. At last I thought I had it; that if I put my whole weight upon it, it would hold. I said, when I thought I had got the faith, “Heal me.” I was trusting in myself, in my own heart, in my own faith. I was asking the Lord to do something for me because of something in me, not because of something in Him. So the Lord allowed the devil to try my faith, and the devil devoured it like a roaring lion, and I found myself so broken down that I did not think I had any faith. God allowed it to be taken away until I felt I had none. And then God seemed to speak to me so sweetly, saying, “Never mind, my child, you have nothing. But I am perfect Power, I am perfect Love, I am Faith, I am your Life, I am the preparation for the blessing, and then I am the Blessing, too. I am all within and all without, and all for ever.” It is just having “Faith in God” (Mark 11: 22). “And the life I now live in the flesh, I live,” not by faith on the Son of God, but “by the faith of the Son of God” (Gal. 2 20). That is it. It is not your faith. You have no faith in you, any more than you have life or anything else in you. You have nothing but emptiness and vacuity, and you must be just openness and readiness to take Him to do all. You have to take His faith as well as His life and healing, and have simply to say, “I live by the faith of the Son of God.” My faith is not worth anything. If I had to pray for anyone, I would not depend upon my faith at all. I would say, “Here, Lord, am I. If you want me to be the channel of blessing to this one just breathe into me all that I need.” It is simply Christ, Christ alone.

Now, is your body yielded to Christ for Him thus to dwell and work in you? The Lord Jesus Christ has a body as well as you only it is perfect; it is the body, not of a man, but of the Son of man. Have you considered why He is called the Son of man? The Son of man means that Jesus Christ is the one typical, comprehensive, universal, all-inclusive Man. Jesus is the one man that contains in Himself all that man ought to be all that man needs to have. It is all in Christ. All the fullness of the Godhead and the fullness of a perfect manhood has been embodied in Christ, and He stands now as the summing-up of all that man needs. His spirit is all that your spirit needs, and He just gives us Himself. His body possesses all that your body needs. He has a heart beating with the strength that your heart needs. He has organs and functions redundant with life, not for Himself, but for humanity. He does not need strength for Himself. The energy which enabled Him to rise and ascend from the tomb, above all the forces of nature, was not for Himself. That marvellous body belongs to your body. You are a member of His body. Your heart has a right to draw from His heart all that it needs. Your physical life has a right to draw from His physical life its support and strength, and so it is not you, but it is just the precious life of the Son of God. Will you take Him thus today, and then you will not be merely healed, but you will have a new life for all you need, a flood of life that will sweep disease away, and then remain a fountain of life for all your future need. Oh, take Him in His fullness.

It seems to me as if I might just bring you a little talisman today, as if God had given me a little secret for every one here and said to me, “Go and tell them, if they will take it, it will be a talisman of power wherever they go, and it will carry them through difficulty, danger, fear, life, death, eternity.” If I could stand on this platform and say, “I have received from heaven a secret of wealth and success which God will give freely, through my hand, to everybody who will take it,” I am sure you would need a larger hall for the people who would come. But, dear friends, I show you in His Word a truth which is more precious. The Apostle Paul tells us that there is a secret, a great secret which was hidden from ages and from generations (Col. 1: 26), which the world was seeking after in vain, which wise men from the East hoped they might find, and God says it “is now made manifest to his saints”; and Paul went through the world just to tell it to those that were able to receive it; and that simple secret is just this “Christ in you the hope of glory.”

The word “mystery” means secret; this is the great secret. And I tell you today, nay, I can give you, if you will take it from Him, not from me-I can give you a secret which has been to me, oh, so wonderful! Years ago I came to Him burdened with guilt and fear; I tried that simple secret, and it took away all my fear and sin. Years passed on, and I found sin overcoming me and my temptations too strong for me. I came to Him a second time, and He whispered to me, “Christ in you,” and I had victory, rest and blessing.

Then the body broke away in every sort of way. I had always worked hard, and from the age of fourteen I studied and labored and spared no strength. I took charge of a large congregation at the age of twenty-one; I broke down utterly half a dozen times and at my last constitution was worn out. Many times I feared I should drop dead in my pulpit. I could not ascend any height without a sense of suffocation, because of a broken-down heart and exhausted nervous system. I heard of the Lord’s healing, but I struggled against it. I was afraid of it. I had been taught in theological seminaries that the age of the supernatural was past, and I could not go back from my early training. My head was in my way, but at last when I was brought to attend “the funeral of my dogmatics,” as Mr. Schrenck says, “the Lord whispered to me the little secret, ‘Christ in you’; and from that hour I received Him for my body as I had done for my soul. I was made so strong and well that work has been a perfect delight. For years I have spent my summer holiday in the hot city of New York, preaching and working amongst the masses, as I never did before; besides the work of our Home and College and an immense mass of library work and much besides. But the Lord did not merely remove my sufferings. It was more than simple healing. He so gave me Himself that I lost the painful consciousness of physical organs. That is the best of the health He gives. I thank the Lord that He keeps me from all morbid, physical consciousness and a body that is the object of anxious care, and gives a simple life that is a delight and a service for the Master, that is a rest and joy.

Then, again, I had a poor sort of a mind, heavy and cumbrous, that did not think or work quickly. I wanted to write and speak for Christ and to have a ready memory, so as to have the little knowledge I had gained always under command. I went to Christ about it, and asked if He had anything for me in this way. He replied, “Yes, my child, I am made unto you Wisdom.” I was always making mistakes, which I regretted, and then thinking I would not make them again; but when He said that He would be my wisdom, that we may have the mind of Christ, that He could cast down imaginations and bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ, that He could make the brain and head right, then I took Him for all that. And since then I have been kept free from this mental disability, and work has been rest. I used to write two sermons a week, and it took me three days to complete one. But now, in connection with my literary work, I have numberless pages of matter to write constantly besides the conduct of very many meetings a week, and all is delightfully easy to me. The Lord has helped me mentally, and I know He is the Saviour of our mind as well as our spirit.

Well, then, I had an irresolute will. I asked, ‘ Cannot you be a will to me?” He said, “Yes, my child, it is God who worketh in you to will and to do.” Then He made me to learn how and when to be firm, and how and when to yield. Many people have a decided will, but they do not know how to hold on just at the proper moment. So, too, I came to Him for power for His work and all the resources for His service, and He has not failed me.

And so I would say, if this precious little secret of “Christ in you,” will help you, you may have it. May you make better use of it than I! I feel I have only begun to learn how well it works. Take it and go on working it out, through time and eternity-Christ for all, grace for grace, from strength to strength, from glory to glory, from this time forth and even for evermore.

I love surfing, but I’m not very good at it.  I’ve only done it in really cold water, maybe that’s why.  If you’ve never surfed, let me give you the most amateur possible synopsis.

You pull your board out till the water’s getting kind of high.  You climb onto it, lay down, and paddle out further, till you reach the swell, where you want to catch the wave, kind of as it’s breaking.  You wait for a good wave, the whole time having to fight and paddle to maintain your position.  Good surfers don’t look like they are fighting anything.  I don’t know how they do that.  By this time, my arms are usually pretty tired.  When you see a wave coming, you start to paddle before it reaches you, so it can catch you.

Note:  everything up till this point has been basically miserable, unless you’re one of those “good surfers.”

Then it catches you, and it’s AWESOME.  Even if the wave’s dwippy and cold, which is really the only kind I’ve ever ridden.  And even if, like me, your arms are too tired  from fighting the water to push you up onto your feet, and you just look like a dork on your knees with a big smile on your beet-red face.  Still, AWESOME.

I have a point to make, which I may have ruined by distracting you through the mental images of my awkwardness, but pretend that the above was a really beautiful description of the glory of the sport, written by a “good surfer.”  The essence of the task is still the same, except that you actually can do all sorts of cool things once you’re, you know, surfing.

Here’s my point:  faith is like surfing.  You know something’s coming, so you do a whole lot of work to be ready when it comes, and when it does, you just ride.  All the power’s come from something outside of you, and you just positioned yourself to catch it.

Most people live in unbelief most of the time, and then, when a wave hits them and they’re tumbling around under it, try to rise up in faith and overcome.  When the devastating illness hits, the divorce is under discussion, the child is diagnosed.  At that moment, they work really hard to manifest “faith,” praying desperately for the desired outcome.  And then, the crushing disappointment.  The healing didn’t happen, the deliverance didn’t come, the request was not granted.  Disillusionment.  Why didn’t God answer the prayer of faith?

But here’s a secret about faith:  it’s in the paddling, not the wave.  When we face a moment of trial that requires great faith, the Biblical plan doesn’t say that’s the time to strain and groan and produce powerful prayers that move heaven.  We live at all times believing or we don’t.  If somebody tells you you’re going to win an Olympic medal, if you believe them, you don’t start practicing your platform mount, you start practicing your sport.  Over and over and over, until you ARE a champion.

If you believe the Lord Jesus, you live obeying Him.  ”If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him.”  JN 14:23  So, if my faith level is such that I live a life that would essentially look the same whether or not God exists (self-sufficient and natural), there’s a whole lot of unbelief.  If I am not concerned enough to hunt scripture to find out what these all-important commands of Jesus are, the ones for which I’ll be held accountable before His throne, I don’t really believe all that much.  If I live in bitterness, unforgiveness, and anger, when Jesus said to love my enemies, I just don’t believe.  If I live storing up treasure for a comfy life here on earth mostly unconcerned about what fruit I’ll present from it, I have very, very little faith.  I’m not paddling.

So when the wave comes, and it’s a time of perceived need, the Christian tries to rise up with faith for the miracle.  They’re desperately trying to plant the mustard seed faith in the ground, water it, and make it grow into a giant tree that can harbor the birds…ALL IN A DAY.  Mat 13:31-32

The Lord loves us so much, He works in those times, hears those prayers, and even often answers them!  He is not seeking to disqualify us.  No, He is seeking to qualify us the way a coach would qualify His Olympic athlete…through steady training day in and day out, challenges fit to the level of development, and strategic building up of weak areas.

So when the huge decision arises and the believer tries to “hear the Lord” for direction, the question is, “Did you believe that you needed to ‘live by every Word that proceeds from the mouth of God’ and live desperate for the voice of the Lord from day to day?”  Because if so, you’ve paddled, and when that moment brings a big wave, you find yourself lifted up and exhilarated, riding His power, hearing His voice, seeing Him come through.  If not, it feels like a crap-shoot instead of standing on a Rock…am I hearing God?  Which voice is His?  Will He come through?  That’s not the FAther’s will for His kids!

His character is not such that He hides Himself in the desperate, painful hour, snickering at us in our bewilderment.  He is a good Father.  He has made Himself clear in His word, offering everything we need.  He does respond to faith.  But when we do not live obeying, we can be sure that we do not fully believe.  And when a big moment comes and we try to believe even though we don’t, it just doesn’t carry alot of authority.

So…the Father’s plan is this:  Paddle, paddle, paddle.  If we really believe, we’ll do the hard work of learning His commands, and doing them.  We’ll exercise our muscles not in great exploits, but in the hours of training, through submissive obedience to His Word and His Spirit.  Then, when the exploit moment comes, we catch that wave and just ride, knowing all the power is His.

Here’s a scripture:

But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.  Heb 5:14

What’s the class for?  What’s it all about?

Our Freedom class can best be understood in this context:  OJ and I are a couple of church kids hunting backwards for the fire of conversion.  Consider this with us:

• Most believers produce more new converts in the first year after conversion than in the rest of their Christian life combined
• Most believers experience their greatest period of Joy, Faith, and Zeal in the period just after a true conversion
• I remember testimonies of true salvation better than say, all the sermons I heard while in college, because of their power and impact

As church kids, we never experienced a profound conversion moment of transference from darkness to light, dramatic new birth, etc.  But the more we searched scriptures, it became clear that Christian life as described in the New Testament looks WAY MORE like the experience of a new convert than like typical church life.  What happens to the fire of the new convert, we wondered?  And where in the Bible does it say we regular church attenders don’t get a piece of that fire?

We turned to our old friend, the Apostle Paul.  He’d been to the third heaven.  He should know the answer.  Should we do like some friends and attend more conferences to try to find the fire?  Should we fast and pray for a visitation?  What if the right person laid hands on us?  Maybe if we evangelized more unreached peoples?  (All these are great things to do, by the way!)  Paul mentions all these things in passing, but there was one thing he harped on so many times, everything else seemed secondary to him.  Over and over and over again, he used the same word:  Gospel.

Wait a minute.  Isn’t that what you preach to unbelievers?  Why would Paul keep talking about the Gospel if he was writing to believers?  Was he just such a crazed evangelist that he couldn’t think of anything else?  Because, you know, some people are just built like that, right?  It’s their “spiritual gift.”  As church kids, we thought of the Gospel as something that you brushed up on with the help of the four spiritual laws so that you could share it with unsaved folks as opportunity arose.

It became obvious that Paul didn’t share our view.  Searching his writings, we found ourselves in a personal REVOLUTION.   We got to the end of our backwards hunt, and found that the end (telos) of it all, is really right at the beginning.  It’s the GOSPEL.  We found that it contained every answer and every promise, and yet had been relegated to the place of entry…kindergarten in the school of Christianity, if you will.  We began to peer into this mystery that intrigues the angels, and realize that every human need was provided for there.  It was so simple, so complete and perfect.  Our discovery had the same effect on us as it did on the newly saved. We had found the source of that new-convert fire, and it consumed us.  It dawned on us that we never had to live another day without it, if we would, like Paul, not leave that simple gate.

We began to groan inwardly, (and sometimes outwardly).  How could it be?  How can the church be living so broken, so bound, so hungry, so inadequate, when through the Gospel, everything had been provided for?  The years of training in repentance and freedom in Tacoma came into clear focus for what they were.  It was the Gospel, applied to the Christian life.  It was opening up the treasure box that the enemy has kept under lock and key that we might not fully realize what was bought for us at the Cross.

If the Gospel could be likened to a promise of full health, our freedom training had provided us the ability to accurately diagnose the sicknesses that were blocking that health.  It’s a practice in which the remedy is always the same, and always works, but the sicknesses can differ.  In the class we begin to dissect and diagnose not a human body, but a human heart.

So freedom class is central to The Mission because like Paul we are “…eager to preach the gospel to you also…”  In freedom class, we’re pursuing firstly revelation of the Gospel, returning to the zeal of our first love.  From that revelation, application naturally flows the as the Lord faithfully highlights the areas in which we are bound.  We’ll share more about freedom class, as it is something we expect to be doing regularly here, and elsewhere.

You can hear some of the teaching on our website at ojandsuz.com/teaching.

If you are interested in attending a freedom class, shoot us an email!

I have good news for you, brothers and sisters in Christ.  You are incredibly rich.

This struck me as I was contemplating this post, and how to frame what the Lord’s been showing me about the love of money.  I had an epiphany, in which I realized that the problem is not that we live too well, but that we live far too poorly.  We live sometimes yearning for gold and silver, which at home, is the stuff the streets are made of.  We fork over the cash for more space, but at home there are “many mansions.”  We seek comfort and respite in every possible conceivable way (speaking to Americans, particularly, here), but at home, every tear is wiped away and we have fullness of joy.

When I was growing up in the middle of Chicago, there was something that my mom and dad would try to gently communicate from time to time:  “You’re not from here.”  They’d say it sometimes when we were passing the liquor stores and laundromats that made up the landscape, or when we spoke like our bilingual friends without the excuse of actually speaking another language, or when our bikes were stolen…again.

So they’d try to tell us about where they had grown up, and that we were born by the ocean.  About spending leisure time in mountains instead of on video games, and about the fog rolling off the bay.  About how there are places in the world that aren’t ugly.

They would sigh and say, “We never meant to raise you kids in the city.  You aren’t from here, you know.”  Once I was old enough to catch on, I got a little angry.  So, where “we’re from,” people are well-off, well-educated, and live in beautiful natural surroundings?  What the heck are we doing here?  Our cousins go to tennis camps…for MONTHS!  We kick around half-deflated dodgeballs a couple times a week in “gym.”  HELLLOOOOOO????  Who derailed our lives?  Why aren’t we AT where we’re FROM?

But the reason was because Jesus Christ had rescued my parents from eternal death, and slavery to sin.  They had not found salvation in being comfortably mid to upper class, or in education, or in nature.  They found it in Him.  So they didn’t make their life choices based on “what would be best for the kids.”  They obeyed the Lord, and let Him give us what would be best.  How He’s rewarded that would take a million blogs to describe…how lavishly the Lord has blessed us.  But that’s for another time.

The love of money in Christians shows up like it did in me in my youth:  having no revelation that WE’RE NOT FROM HERE and assimilating, deciding that these few minutes on the earth should feel more like home.  But it’s not home.  Our home is in heaven.  The description is not merely granite countertops and crown moulding.  The description is MAJESTY AND GLORY.  The whole earth is the Lord’s, and the fullness thereof.  We are so stinking rich!!!  All the wealth of the universe belongs to our Father!

Well, you ask, why aren’t we AT where we’re FROM?  Why don’t I have my wealth?

1 Peter 2:11 Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul…

You’re a stranger here; it’s not like home.  The lowly, measly wealth that this world, under its current administration (Satan–2 Cor. 4:4), has to offer is…money.  Not even real.  For Americans, not even pretending to be real by being held to any standard (e.g. the gold standard).  A number printed on a paper, that acquires us more stuff.  It’s not real.  We’re supposed to see through it, to despise it.  To be wholly UN-mastered by it.  But to master it.

I think of that scene from Schindler’s List towards the end, when Schindler realizes that his ring might have bought him another life.  When he finally understands what was valuable.

From my vantage point, it is obvious that many American Christians will give their energy and focus to the love of money, decorating their prison cell (that is life under the oppression of the god of this age, when sin is rampant and the devil prowls about like a roaring lion), unable to even hear the instructions to let the other prisoners know about the escape plan.

We have a few quick minutes on the earth before eternity with the One we love.  There’s an aspect of misery, dragging around this body of death, and not seeing Him face to face.  The temptation is to comfort, comfort, comfort ourselves…encourage each other to take a load off…buy some more…bigger, better…  But for these few tiny minutes out of eternity that we have to endure being far from our Lord and lover, we are here to rescue as many as we can from eternity totally separated from Him.

Let’s just not love money.  Let’s spend our few minutes on souls, spend our money on souls, spend our energy on souls.  There will be AGES, AEONS, and EPOCHS to enjoy our wealth.  Won’t we laugh at the little funny-faced bills then, with all the congregation that followed us through the gates into eternal life?

Let’s hear Him saying, “You’re not from here, you know.”

The other day I was in a grocerty store and found myself singing a little ditty I haven’t heard in years…you probably know it.  It goes:

“The best things in life are free…

But you can give it the birds and bees…

I need money… (that’s what I want).

That’s what I want…  (that’s what I want).

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum…”

Are you singing it yet?  Has there ever been a catchier tune?  Anyway, why was I singing it?  I don’t know, maybe it was the song playing, or maybe similar words were in my peripheral vision on a magazine cover, or maybe it was because I was at the checkout…and you know how thrifty people (especially when they can see that there is not sufficient intake to replace the output) HATE to spend money…which means you hate money…right?  Right?  I mean, isn’t it basically holy to hate to spend money?  Because then you… have…more…money…oh.

Do you see it?  No, hating to spend money, especially for something I need, doesn’t mean I hate money.  It means I love money.  It masters me, it makes me feel safe, and I want it.

Here are two verses.  You will probably know both of them, but did you ever notice that one follows directly after the other?  I didn’t.

“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon. Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Mat. 6:24-25  (emphasis mine)

Note the key word “therefore.”  When we worry about money, we’re mastered by it.  We are enslaved.  It’s a sign:  on some level, we love it.  But Jesus said we CANNOT serve both.  He said we CANNOT serve Him, and be enslaved to money.  He made it very clear.

Worry over money has been a dark cloud that has stolen so many of our sweetest moments of victory and vision.  In some ways, it felt like we launched our fishing boat into the sea of harvest, singing at the top of our lungs, only to be washed over by a tidal wave of WORRY.  We were tempted to blame others.  We could only hear so many times, “How will you…?  What about…?  Is it wise…?”  before we sat down to take stock.  Maybe we aren’t wise.  Maybe the Lord won’t take care of us.  Maybe He’s setting us up for a really big learning lesson.

But it turns out we can’t blame others.  We are the ones who are not free, who are tempted to hear another Master, who are in danger of disobedience, who are enslaved.  No use protesting innocence and pretending to be free, as I approach the grocery checkout singing, “I want money…” cringing as I buy my family food.  Jesus has plenty of funds for me to joyfully buy my family food!  It is taking some serious repentance to extract myself from this attitude where I trust more in a certain income than in Jesus Christ.  Oh, God, that I would despise the other master and be entirely YOURS.

Interesting to note:  this passage is in the Beattitudes.  Jesus wasn’t even speaking to the 70 or the 12.  This provision He speaks of isn’t even spoken of to the “sent ones,” but to EVERYONE.  It’s not conditional even on doing ministry or doing the right ministry.  Obedient children of God need not (must not) worry about provision.

(Note:  obedience will ALWAYS involve hard work with a fraction of time spent on rest, especially in vocational ministry.  Proverbs is clear that someone who is not working hard will face God’s correction.)

This is an interesting phenomenon to observe among moms.  There’s something about a multiplication of little people in the household that brings out a talent for multiplying your funds.  This often brings out references to Proverbs 31, and competition to see how much you can get for your buck.  This value system was pretty deeply ingrained in me when I married OJ, who helped me to see that I was somewhat crazy.  I had so idolized the saving of money, that I was almost completely oblivious to the much more valuable commodity of time, which you can never replace.

I would waste hours of research, driving time, who knows what, to save ten bucks.  But, folks, I seriously thought there was something intrinsically godly about saving money!  Ha!  I really thought it was a kingdom value!  I finally came to see that there was no backing for this whatsoever in scripture.  It was a hidden love of money.

Watching people who are particularly enamored with saving money, especially those who, like myself, think it’s a kingdom value, I’ve been struck by the deception.  I’ve seen people bargain others down or rejoice over a triumph of acquisition in which it’s clear that they have completely forgotten that there is any other person involved in the transaction.  They do not see the  merchant working to care for his family or a waiter who has been on his or her feet, or even that it’s just fair to pay for goods and services.  They think they are pleasing the God of Justice and Generosity by their craftiness.  In their marriages, families, and relationships, they will sacrifice harmony, generosity, and unity for saving money.  It’s love of money.

How many thrifty people did it take to build the Walmart empire?  How much evil do we not know about…how much child labor, destruction of small business, exploitation of resources, especially in poorer nations?  This is the sort of systemic evil structure that is built by love of money, and too deeply imbedded in our lives to extract by the time we learn what it really is.  This is what I was speaking of in the last post.

We are deceived if we don’t realize that Mammon’s temple has as much of its foundation laid in worry as in greed.

(Note:  I’m not saying it’s evil to shop at Walmart, but just using it as an example.  Paul helps us keep our consciences clean in regards to merchandise in 1 Cor 8.)

So…there’s the worry side.  It’s not the only side, though.

Nobody admits this.  Last of all, me.  But the other day, I came across an article discussing the translation of 1 Tim. 6:10.  It’s that funny verse that in the King James, tells us that the love of money is the root of all evil.  But nobody could make any sense of that, because what does the love of money have to do with somebody yelling at their neighbor or committing adultery?  So newer translations say “the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.”

But somebody turned on the light for me.  He gave the literal translation from the Greek:  ”For [a] root of all the evils is the money-love.”  He talked about the difference between sin and evil.  He defined evil in broader terms, as in systems of widespread corruption that leads to destruction.  Then he pointed out that systemic evil is almost always rooted in the love of money, for example:  prostitution, drug-trade, corrupt politics, even oppressive taxation, and economies based on usury (like ours).

So, for example, love of money is probably not the sin that causes a woman to walk into an abortion clinic, but it is without a doubt the chief reason the evil clinic exists for her to walk into.  And it may not be that love of money is the sin that drove the addict to pawn his wife’s earrings, but it is the reason the pawn shop is conveniently located in the addict’s neighborhood.

Okay, so why am I struck by this fine theological point, other than our general McDowell nerdiness? Here’s why:

One of the principles of breakthrough the Lord taught us during during our years of training was men’s need for God to bring external pressure on our souls to break us through into revelation.  In other words, people don’t naturally want to change or be conformed to the image of Christ.  We are “right in [our] own eyes.” (Prov. 21:2) So in His grace, God would bring pressure in the natural that would parallel the revelation in the spiritual, so we would be willing to change.

Note:  This sounds complicated.  It’s not.  It’s called correction.  All believers’ lives are full of it, as God is a good father, but many of us do not realize it as such, and waste our golden trials on complaining and arguing like rebellious children.

So speak of pressure:  here we have the need for funds to pursue the harvest, starting just with our family’s needs.  There are a bunch of people jumping off this cliff at the same time as we are, and it is a certain kind of pressure that if you’ve never experienced…well, let’s just say it’s a gold mine for revelation!

And I feel the Lord’s been showing me, gently, “You love money.  You are from a people that loves money (perhaps more than any people that’s existed in history on the earth).  You are so steeped in this, you can’t imagine life, ministry, or perspective apart from it.  And you’re blind to the extent of EVIL that’s grown up solidly around your love of money in America.  Most will stay blind until the evil devours them.”  Pretty heavy stuff.

So here we sit…having sold our house (btw, if you didn’t know, when a Gen Y-er says they sold their house, ask them how much that cost ‘em.  We had a to bring a check for 9K.), our cars, much of our earthly goods several times, having given up or sold several profitable businesses, having exchanged the capital of our abilities and educations for nothing on the market but believing for eternal fruit…all of this ON PURPOSE for ministry and the kingdom…how is it that we could be said to love money?  Where have we been blinded?

I’ll get into that in the next post.  How does this break down?  Where is it in our life, and could it be in yours?  In the meantime, look for a recording of OJ teaching on what a disciple of Christ is.  SHAZAM!  All I can say is, wow.  I’m so glad he’s mine.  :)

All God’s best to you!

Suzanna and I recently put together a short teaching on the fear of man for my men’s discipleship group.  The primary goal in this was to produce breakthrough in the reader to A) be set free from fear of man and B) be empowered to produce transformation in discipleship and evangelism.

Breakthrough Teaching on Coming out of the FEAR OF MAN

Scriptural truths

Fear of man is at its worst when tied to a religious spirit.

Mark 11:27They arrived again in Jerusalem, and while Jesus was walking in the temple courts, the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders came to him. 28″By what authority are you doing these things?” they asked. “And who gave you authority to do this?”

29Jesus replied, “I will ask you one question. Answer me, and I will tell you by what authority I am doing these things. 30John’s baptism—was it from heaven, or from men? Tell me!”

31They discussed it among themselves and said, “If we say, ‘From heaven,’ he will ask, ‘Then why didn’t you believe him?’ 32But if we say, ‘From men’….” (They feared the people, for everyone held that John really was a prophet.)

33So they answered Jesus, “We don’t know.”
Jesus said, “Neither will I tell you by what authority I am doing these things.”

Principles at work:

1. The Pharisees did not operate under fear of the Lord or conviction.  There questions were completely self-centered.
2. Jesus uncovered their lack of authority by his question.  If they had any real authority, they could answer straight about John, but they were unable to.
3. Fear of man will always lead to speaking and moving in a way that is conformed to the opinions of men.  It carries no transformational power.
4. When our convictions are based out of receiving the honor and praise of men, we are easily blinded to truth.  The Pharisees missed Jesus because they did not love the truth more than they loved what men thought of them.

Fear of man steals our testimony.

John 12:42Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not confess their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; 43for they loved praise from men more than praise from God.

Luke 12:1Meanwhile, when a crowd of many thousands had gathered, so that they were trampling on one another, Jesus began to speak first to his disciples, saying: “Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. 2There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. 3What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.

4″I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. 5But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. 6Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies^[a^]? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

8″I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God. 9But he who disowns me before men will be disowned before the angels of God.

Principles at work:

1. Fear of man affects our relationship with God.  There can be no intimate closeness with someone you will not confess freely.
2. It is hypocrisy to confess that you are living for God but live consumed by the opinions of men.
3. Unbelief about the care of God and His complete control over our lives will lead to hedging out bets in the company of men.  If you are not sure that He counts the hairs on your head, you will not trust your reputation, friendships, and comfort into his care.

God brings justice ultimately.  Our pride causes us to seek justice in the eyes of men and miss the praise that comes from God in the day of judgement.

1 Corinthians 4:5Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.

23 A man’s pride brings him low,
but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.

24 The accomplice of a thief is his own enemy;
he is put under oath and dare not testify.

25 Fear of man will prove to be a snare,
but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.

26 Many seek an audience with a ruler,
but it is from the LORD that man gets justice.

27 The righteous detest the dishonest;
the wicked detest the upright.

Four categories or types of people who walk in the fear of man.

1. “Self-protection:  the hard shell”  -
   1. literally afraid of other men.  what they can do to hurt him or can steal from him.
   2. A man’s heart is mishandled from birth, he forms a hard exterior to protect himself from pain.
   3. He prefers to live numb so as to be able to freely exchange in the relational economy of sinful men.
   4. His life is marked by:
      1. religious duty w/o emotional connection
      2. shallow relationships with other men
      3. (for married men) his wife has increasing levels of sorrow and/or distraction from her husband, her heart needs are unperceived, unmet
      4. confusion and inability to hear God’s voice personally
      5. a lack of passion for fathering and discipling, unmoved by plight of the vulnerable and needy
      6. spiritual and emotional boredom

1. “Pleasant” -
   1. doesn’t want to cross anyone’s will.
   2. afraid of other’s reaction to him and perception of him
   3. wants to impact for the kingdom but lives in insecurity and is personally disconnected from God’s holiness.
   4. has not fed himself the fear of the Lord, and so cannot perceive the Scripture’s meaning with depth.
   5. his access to heaven’s resources are limited, so he mainly gives of himself, with limited authority.
   6. marked by:
      1. compassion w/o wisdom
      2. produces little or no breakthrough in the people who follow him
      3. driven by people’s perceived needs rather than their real needs
      4. overly drawn to routine
      5. fears confrontation
      6. wants to lead, but not really (avoid taking responsibility for others’ breakthrough…club mentality “let’s all do this together!”)

1. “Carnal”
   1. wants to enjoy fellowship with other men at any cost.  wants to fit into the systems of men
   2. has conviction that God and Jesus are real, but has not made Jesus Lord.  Wants to win with God and with men.
   3. unwilling to give up the world and men’s opinion of him.  makes an effort not to be perceived as “different” or “religious.”
   4. Marked by:
      1. Spiritual satisfaction and dullness, lack of hunger for God
      2. Self-hatred
      3. Anger and sorrow over life’s direction
      4. defensive over his lifestyle and resistance to anything “overboard;”
      5. fundamentally does not believe in the scriptural principle of cost
      6. thoughts  of serving God are disconnected from personal obedience; more a matter of personal preference

1. “The Fan”
   1. satisfied by men and what men are doing.
   2. easily excited about happenings and activities and schools of thought.
   3. inclination towards spectatorship, but talks excitedly about what others are doing in his “camp.”
   4. He is marked by:
      1. his loyalties, doctrines, and beliefs v. his personal fruit.
      2. devotion to choosing the right doctrines, being grouped with the right folks
      3. head knowledge v. spiritual authority and transformation
      4. escapism, avoidance of areas of defeat, esp in the home
      5. insignificance (stronghold)
      6. preference for talking v. doing
      7. disparity between what he says he believes and the power of faith to produce tangible fruit in his life
      8. team colors (I’m with so and so…extreme personal loyalty to people, even to the point of taking pride in association)
      9. “head in the sand”; this man can ignore God’s dealings with him over personal obedience by absorbing himself in ways God is moving in the body at large

Common thread is FATHERLESSNESS– a disconnect from the fear of the Lord and His personal interest in a man’s life and obedience.  A man who is fatherless is both unloved and undisciplined.

Questions to confront:

• Is the Lord committed to my personal development?
• Is my level of breakthrough reflective of His commitment, or am I blocking His development through fear of man?
• Do I regard immediate, personal obedience as the Lord’s constant requirement, or do I  make the issue of obedience confusing by thinking of obedience in broad strokes? Is my life simple?  (Faith like a child means hear and obey)
• Do I believe that He has greatness for me?
• Do I love correction, or does it make me feel like a failure?

It’s official.  Florida has won us over.  OJ was already a big fan, with great memories from his childhood.  I, on the other hand, had one frigid spring break experience during college, in which the white beaches felt more arctic than exotic, and I was generally cold, tired, and appalled that the houses had been painted with nail polish.  (In Chicago, we generally don’t mix purples and pinks into our Benjamin Moore, unless you live in the ghetto, where, if you can afford paint, you let everybody know it.)

Anyway, the record book has been rewritten:  beautiful.  Wow,  We were far enough south to enjoy sunny beaches, but still northen enough to enjoy sweet southern accents and spanish moss hanging off old oak trees.

Anyway, we highly recommend Palm Coast, a coastal town about 40 min. south of St. Augustine, America’s oldest city.  It was odd to visit that city and see a fortress and walled city gate, right out of Old Europe.  I wonder how long it took for the explorers to figure out that old world methods would fail them in the New World.  Kind of funny to imagine this tiny little embattlement built on the edge of the enormity of what they’d discovered, trying to hold it, like trying to hold a sleeping bear by its toenail.  I imagine the British telling the Spaniards, “Hey, you guys keep that fortress.  We’ll take the rest!”

Transition periods:  the time it takes to figure out the Old World methods aren’t working, and looking for the New.  Having eyes to see the enormity of what’s in front of you.  Being able to balance the advancing and the subduing, conquest and dominion.  Hmmm…I hope we never get caught guarding the little fort when there’s a whole continent to explore.

OJ and I are sure that we’ve only just begun to grasp the enormity of what’s been given to us in the New Covanent, accessed through believing the Gospel.  We can afford to give everything away, move quickly at the Word of the Lord, speak boldly about our children’s futures, preach HOPE recklessly, and walk weak as we are with complete confidence.  The Prince of Peace is ruling.

(Letter to the Lost)

You matter.

You matter because there is a case pending against you that all of history hinges on.  You, God’s masterpiece, knit together out of a secret DNA code that only He could write and science is still beginning to try to decipher.  Too much beauty is contained in that code to describe.  A thousand pictures could not capture how it makes those who love you feel when you laugh.  Too much wisdom is written in those helices for our most brilliant minds to comprehend.  Like the wisdom that teaches the feet of the illiterate to balance their weight perfectly on symmetrical legs.  Too much joy is written into those strands to be expressed; even your parents didn’t come close on the day of your birth.  The only appropriate celebration for your grandeur is of heavenly proportions…but that does hang in the balance.

Because your DNA was hijacked and your beauty marred and the wisdom despised and the joy stifled.  Because you and I have participated in the greatest treachery of all time.  The One who designed, crafted, and rejoiced over you for Love has been denied His heart’s desire:  full fellowship with you.  Your soul’s DNA no longer reads, “Lover of God with all heart, soul, mind and strength.”  It’s been changed to read, “Seeker of self for pleasure, glorification, identity, and source.”  The design is so grossly perverted that you have to be told…TO BE TOLD IN WORDS…to love the most beautiful, perfect Lover conceivable.  To love Love Himself.  You and I, we must be commanded to love Love (for which we were made).  To see Light (for which our eyes were formed).  To do Justice (which is HIs only possible course).  To cherish Mercy, by which we continue to breathe from moment to moment.

So because He must, He commands it.  And still, after the command, written long form in 66 books over hundreds of years, shouted by prophets who were thrown in jail and sawn in half, and then embodied in His own Son made flesh, still after all…still the Word is neglected and disbelieved, the prophets despised, and the Love, Light, the Son of God, made into a pendant.  Crucified by religion daily, His righteousness undesired.  And here you are in the now of history, with thousands of years of defiance of men before you and the return of the King to come, and everything is hinging on how you will respond.

You matter.  The case against you is unchangeable, insurmountable, terrifying.  You were made for greatness, one way or the other.  And you have been pursued in the sea of humanity for rescue by the Son of Man and the Son of God.  One and the same, Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world.  Have you heard His name?  Then you have been pursued eternally and offered the world’s only hope.  Have you seen His book?  Then He has cried out to you in a loud voice.  Have you been told of His death?  Then you have been confronted with the most astounding injustice the greatest imagination could ever conceive of, the greatest story ever told, and the greatest act of Love any man or spirit could attempt.  The immortal God dying slowly at the hands of the rebels, the underlings, the traitors.  The created killing Creator.  The Omnipotent nailed up by weaklings.  Voluntarily.

And YOU are the one at the center of the story.  The ONE for whom Christ died.  You matter.  You matter.  You could not matter more.  There is no more certain guarantee of your worth than this, Jesus Christ hanging on the cross outside the camp, bloody beyond recognition.  You matter.  If there is one question on which you dare not waste another moment it is the question of whether you are loved and important.  Do you see Him there on the Cross?  You matter.

No, the question is not whether you are loved, or whether you are significant.  You must disbelieve the Cross and reject history to remain asking what has been so resoundingly answered for all time.  No, the question is if you esteem Him.  Whether you see Him as worthwhile and significant.  Him, the King of Glory.  All Creation is groaning for His return, but He holds off, offering you another day and another breath to engage all the angels of heaven in celebration.  Will you repent?  Will you turn?  Will you bow and surrender to love, or defy not only the Righteous Judge, but your own Advocate and Redeemer, in the end standing only in agreement with your accuser and abuser, who calls you worthless and tutors you how to be so?  For a few moments the world will stand with you as you stand with them, but it is a vapor.  And so you will face the One before whose face all of heaven and earth flees away on your own.  And He will open the Lamb’s Book of Life, to see if your name is in it.

All the universities in the world, temples of idolatry, and drunken stupors of men will never change the eternal truth:  There’s a book.  He died to put your name in it.  You matter.  Will you believe, confess, and repent?  He will pay all debts, allowing you to die and be reborn.  To be a new creation, to have new life, eternal life in full fellowship with Him.  He will save you not only from the eternal penalty of sin, but from the life of slavery to sin you now live.  Sin will no longer be your master; if only you will submit to Him, the kindest and most preferred of all Masters, Lord of all!  Bowing to His Lordship will make you free!

When you do, friend and brother, finally the celebration of your worth is released in the heavenlies, all the angels rejoicing at the redemption of the Precious Prodigal.  What joy, on earth and in heaven, the Father’s will done.  Restored relationship with you.  You matter.

⁸ But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart”^[a](that is, the word of faith which we preach): ⁹ that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. ¹⁰ For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.  Rom. 10:8-10

And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ ¹⁰In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”  Luke 15:9-10

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: ¹⁹that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. ²⁰We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. ²¹God made him who had no sin to be sin^[a] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.  2 Cor. 5:18-21

The kids and I have been sick for the last week or so, presumably with swine flu.  It really hasn’t been that bad, in our case.  Pretty mild, considering all the hysteria.  But it does last awhile, and we are definitely getting stir crazy without our usual routine of activities…

Anyway, I needed a lot of help, and the Lord is faithful, of course.  Here are the things the Holy Spirit’s been reminding me of today:

1.  I’ve totally been forgotting to play worship and dance with the kids!  After all, how can I accurately teach them about God and not have celebratory dancing involved???  (This is why being a mom is way better than being a pastor). Granted, there’s not a lot of energy around here for dancing, but it was worth spending the little bit we had…sets us all a-right.  This reminded me that…

2.  I am sick and tired, and that’s all right.  I can still have joy.  That’s just life on the planet Earth.

3.  There are times when there is no chance the house will come within a mile of what you’d call “clean,” but if it’s alright with Jesus, it needs to be alright with me.

4.  I need breakthrough.  If I am fed up with myself when I don’t get it the first try, I will definitely never get it.  Jesus is not fed up with me, so here I go again, a-hunting after holiness!

5.  Do not try to correct a three year-old for being loud and repeating everything he says 5-10 times.  It does not matter that it drives me crazy.  Get a different car and drive somewhere else.  He’s three.

6.  Speaking of loud, there are three of them and we haven’t been out of the house substantially for days.  It’s going to be loud.  If it’s not loud, they’re asleep.

7.  Speaking of sleep, they need more than I think when they’re sick.

8.  Speaking of thinking, Nutella’s a good idea for getting sick kids to eat.

9.  Speaking of Nutella…mmm.  Now, you may ask if that was really something the Lord reminded me of.  I don’t know.

10.  If I have unbelief about my calling, I’ll live angry.  This has two sub-reminders:

a. If I forget my calling, others will not remember it for me.

b. If I have unbelief over my calling (or obedience to the Lord’s instructions), I will probably primarily concern myself with people who do not believe in my calling.  I will become angry with them, as well as being angry in general.  Unbelief is always wrong (both sinful and inaccurate).

If something’s pressing against you (fear, unbelief, anger, hopelessness…), mighty warrior of God, press back!!!  You’ll win.  Judges 6:12-14